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Iced buns

Star Wars Episode 4.1, The Lost Hope

I don’t get it, says Euka squinting at her Christmas present. Explain to me your hooman logic behind this one.

Micron sniffs the thing, then pokes it with a paw as if testing to see if it might be breathing.

Euka looks up at me, a slight tilt to her noggin. Lookit now, she says. The walking carpet and the Kowakian monkey-lizard* both got tennis balls.  And I open … this? 

Well, princess, I say. I think it’s perfect for you. And look at it this way, the tennis balls are for all of you. But this… I hold up her gift for a better view .. this is just for you. 

And besides, I say. They finally clearance priced the Halloween stuff at the pet store, so there’s that.

I’m a lucky dog, says Euka. Yep, envy me, canines of the world.  She walks over to Micron to take the tennis ball from him to start a game of Chase Me You Big Moose.

Don’t go too far, I call after them.  We’re going to set up a photo shoot in a few minutes.

I have a bad feeling about this, says Euka.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Yeah, not really.

Ok, here’s the scene, y’all.  We’re on the ice planet Hoth*, right?  It has to be Hoth because we’re immersed in snow here and there’s nothing to be done about that on the set.  No need to check Wookieepedia to see if or when Princess Leia ever set foot there. It doesn’t matter because this is fan fiction, people.

Sorta. There’s some fact in here, too.

So anyway, Hoth.  We messed around for a few minutes trying to scare up a white towel or blanket or something to drape over the princess’s shoulders to give her an Episode 4 Leia wardrobe.  Then realized our pale beauty can pull off the look sans the good linens. Sure, like I’d have anything white around here anyway.

Alrighty Euka, let’s get in character here. You are Princess Leia Organa, I say. Damsel in distress by all first appearances, but inside there’s a smart-mouthed tough girl. Be the princess. 

Princess Leia just looks at me.

Right then, looks like we’re there already, I say. Let’s practice some lines.

My buns are freezing, says the princess.

Cut!  I say. Um, tough girl, remember? Princess Leia would not complain about the harsh conditions on Hoth. This is the kind of chick that can kiss her own brother without shuddering. Let’s go with that, shall we?  Channel us some of that sass.

Euka closes here eyes for a moment.  She opens them as a princess. Nothing has changed. But she pops out a monologue anyway.

Aren’t you a little short for a storm trooper, says Princess Leia to Luke Skywalker. But still. Hubba.

Give me that blaster, you idiot, says Princess Leia.
Somebody has to save our skins. Into the garbage,
fly-boy!  Oh, and bring your hunky friends. 
[wink wink]

Ok, ok, I say. That was, um, good or something. But how ’bout we knock down the creepy factor a notch. Let’s try another line.

A deep breath, hold it … and …

Gov’na Armpit, growls Princess Leia, I shoulda expected to find you holding Vader’s leash. I recognized your foul stench when y’all brung me on board.

Someone frying bologna?
Wait, what was that? I ask. Did you just merge a cockney accent into Appalachian dialect? Heh, that’s actually pretty impressive.  Ok, my brave princess, just one more and we’ll check out the catering table.

Dibs on the jelly-filled, says Euka. 

Yeah, ok. One more after that one, I say.

Euka lowers her head to find her inner character this one final time. She then lifts her pretty face to spew this one out.

And I thought they smelled bad, pants Princess Leia. …on the outside. [coff coff graaack spit]

Nice sound effects there, princess, I say. That bit of over-emoting just brings that scene to life.  No matter that one was a Han Solo line. Oh, and that poor tauntaun. What a way to go.

Micron wants to be a tauntaun, says Euka.  He told me. 

Sure he does, I say.

He smells like one, pants Euka. …on the outside.

Well, this looks like a good stopping point. Let’s call it a day, I say. And wrap this piece of art. We’ll get you back inside where it’s warm, my pretty, pretty princess. Here, let me have those head buns … Euka!

Wow, what a surprise. Excuse me while I look for my sarcasm font.

They put pumpkin spice in everything now.

*Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983) and About Jager

Christmas is all around

The Christmas spirit is all around, right?  

Well, it is indeed. And quite literally for the two yeller dogs. All around their noggins.

I admit with some self admonishment that I never thought about tossing a wreath about a dog’s wither regions as a photo prop.  But once I saw Tippi’s holiday photo (a pup in training for Canine Companions for Independence), I was struck with inspiration. 
You ever get all excited and take your dog to the backyard and attempt to stuff their head through a decorated wreath?  Yeah, me neither. Turns out it’s not a natural thing that gets well processed in the dog brain.  
With a little practice, some serious what-the-heck-is-this-thing sniffing and copious dog cookies, we did it, though.  
And here’s these two beautiful creatures to wish you all a Merry Christmas season and Happy New Year. 

Gimme da cookie!   Micron at 4 years old.
Euka, 15 months

A Furry Christmas to all

Wordless Wednesday: Golden boy

Ah, lovely. A shot of our golden boy soaking up the rays. He does have a glow about him this wintery morn.

And something odd going on with his snooter, it seems.

Oh, Micron my love. You put your nose on crooked this morning.

But no matter, that should be an easy fix. A dog cookie should take care of it quite nicely, since that’s likely why the boop button is in overdrive trying to locate his I’m-wearing-your-stoopid-hat reward.

And speaking of the proper holiday spirit, we have a short clip of Micron wishing you Christmas greetings.

I’m ridiculously annoyed that I can’t take credit for this piece of art.  This was given to me by a co-worker, who just happens to be a high level manager. Have I ever mentioned how much I love my team at Eukanuba?


There’s snow sense in it

I’ve got my eye on you

You will regret this, hooman, says Bodine.

You know, cat o’mine, I say.  I suppose I will. But it feels good now. 

So, I continue. You’ll be keeping [snort] an eye on me, right?

Oh, purrs Bodine. Count on it, chickeroo. You’re certainly aware of the all-seeing and ever watchful eye that is kept near my Striped Tail of All Things Unholy?

The purring gets louder. You will awaken to its gaze upon you one morning. 

Roger that, I say. Like I wasn’t, in fact, just today greeted by your feline Eye of Sauron hovering above me at Food O’clock this morning. Surely you can come up with a more clever vengeance for once.

And I immediately regret saying that out loud. I just don’t learn sometimes.

A scene from the ill fated photo
shoot from
 We’ll be there with bells on

Kinda like this idea for a holiday photo shoot with the dogs. I’m not even looking for perfection here; a simple good enuf would satisfy that tingly need for a Christmas pic of our four footed family. And it was a mere week ago, as we enjoyed the temperate climes of southwestern Ohio, I went at it. Gave it one heck of a try, I did. (click here for We’ll be there with bells on).

All that work just to end up with a bunch of photos of my trio of festive dogs in front of dry brush pile. This backdrop of dead grass and bare sticks isn’t emanating the aura of holiday cheer that I’m aiming for.

Sending Merry Christmas greetings from the Depths of Despair! our holiday cards would read.

But glory be to the Ohio weather patterns. In a matter of a couple of days, we went from temps in the sixties to a finger numbing mid-twenties. Oh, but this is good news. It is.  Cuz we got us some snow along with it.

Where just last week I was looking at that looming stick pile and thinking it was something only a match could fix, today I’m trekking through the white stuff that covers all the uglies in the backyard.

Don’t let those expressions of practiced tolerance on their canine mugs sway your opinion.  These critters of ours are just dizzy with holiday spirit.

Um, Food Lady? says Micron. We can’t feel our toes anymore. 

What are you talking about? I say, refocusing the camera lens. You have feet like Hobbits don’t you?  You know, like furry on top and leathery on the bottom? You should be set for another few minutes.

Carry me, says Euka.

You might want to run back to the house
for a spatula,
says Micron.

Oh my, I say, rolling my eyes. Fine, let’s get you delicate flowers back inside then. 

Ugh. Ok, I’m feeling some guilt here. Not so much as I’ll feed them an extra meal or something. But watching the poor furries lift their cold, cold paws from the snow has tugged my maternal heartstrings. So before we wrap up to take everybody back in, I pull off Euka’s working cape and fix a scarf about her neck.

Ok dogs, I say. We’ll give you a chance to warm your toesies and maybe we can give it another …Hey! Darn it, Micron!

Because this.

mmmmm …. snow

The big dog has now become One with the snow. A private Zen moment with the white matter like he’s searching for some deeper meaning of it all.

Right.  And then this. A whole lot of this happened next.

And yep, they’ve done it again. The clever critters.

I just don’t learn sometimes.

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