|Hey Food Lady! Got some bad news for ya about the Easter Bunny!|
Falling under the category of “Didja Know This?” I’m gonna explain why we can never get a handle on exactly when Easter Sunday is going to show up from year to year.
Easter 2013 is celebrated today, the last Sunday of March. Last year we were hiding our grownup chocolate stash on April 8. Two years ago? April 24 and close enough to sandal weather to show off the first pedicure of the year.
So what the heck, Calendar People? Is there somebody in charge of this stuff we can talk to? Of course we can’t blame the hapless folk that print our calendars. Besides, we really don’t want them to have this kind of power anyway. Sure, first it’s just one holiday. The Calendar People are all, Hey guys, let’s move Easter again this year. And then next we have to suffer things like changing the actual time of the day back and forth by an hour for no apparent reason. Next up will be the mandate to have Halloween only during a full moon or Labor Day for when we’re motivated to do something productive. A white Christmas is a natural choice to be proclaimed as mandatory, which is really bad news for the likes of Florida. It’s just anarchy y’all.
|The Euka Bunny|
Well, I can tell you this much about Easter. You recall we just celebrated the first day of spring, right? The vernal equinox, that was. Ok, for these last couple of thousand years or so, Easter has been determined to be the next Sunday after the first full moon that occurs after the vernal equinox. It’s ok, read it again. It actually starts to make sense after the second reading.
Here, how ’bout this:
1. First day of spring
2. Full Moon
3. Easter Sunday
Just like mapquest directions, right? When you reach spring, you travel in time for [x] days until you see the Full Moon. Continue on until reaching destination on Sunday.
Along with the Lenten calendar (which is six weeks long, but it’s really only 40 days because Calendar People have infiltrated the church*), the triduum, and Pentecost, this is stuff I used to cover with the kids in my catechism classes every spring. Most would get it, some just didn’t care to know the details. Because all those poor kids would seem to be on a family-imposed sweets moratorium during the Lenten season. Really, they just wanted to know when they could drink pop again. And that’s how you teach middle school kids, people. Get ’em personally involved in the subject.
What’s that you ask? If I think I know so much, then what’s the deal with this Easter Bunny legend? Ah, easy nuff. I can simply say, I have absolutely no flippin’ idea how a rabbit got involved with all this. Well, I guess there’s spring, fertility, new life and such that can be rabbit related. But now you’ve got me curious, so I’ve gone to the Source of All Knowledge for you – Wikipedia.
Ok, so here at Wikipedia a search of “Easter Bunny” has scored us info about rabbits being hermaphrodites and making little rabbits without doing the deed and that German rabbits will lay eggs, but only in kids’ hats and . . . wait, now they’re just messing with us. I admit I only skimmed the article, but still. This is some heady material. Check it out if you want, but honestly I think they’re just making it up as they go along.
|[sigh], says Euka|
But no time to ponder about androgynous bunnies from the middle ages. I had another mystery at hand to solve this Easter weekend. How to get Euka to wear bunny ears without the, well, hangdog expression.
Euka, I said. Balancing the camera in one hand and waving a dog biscuit past her eyes. Look! Cookie! Bring your head up a notch.
I can’t, Euka whined. These ear things are filled with lead or a black hole or something. Feeling . . . faint. I’m so fatigued I don’t even think I can [deep breath] finish a sent. . .[sigh].
Cut. It. I said. Out. I lower the camera and reach to pull the bunny ears from her noggin. Fine. No problem, kiddo. Let’s take a break then. I set the purple torture device on the snow. I need a minute to clean dog snot off the lens anyway, so you can just hang loose for a . . . Euka!
Miss I’ve-Lost-the-Will-to-Live has snatched up the bunny ears and taken off at mach 1 with them. Here comes Peter Cottontail¯, she sings. Hoppin’ down the bunny trail. Batman smells. Robin laid an egg.
You’re mixing up your holiday songs, Euka, I yell after her. And now that the dark cloud of oppression has lifted, let’s get a nice bunny ear photo.
|Hoppin’ down the bunny trail . . .|
Hey Food Lady, says Euka. How many legs you got? Oh yeah, [snort] just two. See if you can catch me.
Right. Nice try there, missy. I say. You have to run out of steam sometime. Get it out of your system, I’ll wait.
You shoulda packed a lunch, hahahaha, says Euka. She’s starts up her Euka Bunny song again. ¯Here comes Peter Cottontail, she sings. Hopping through the forest. Scooping up the field mice and bopping ’em on the head.
Ok, now you’re doing a bunny medley with Little Rabbit Foo Foo. I say. Oh, never mind. Enjoy your first Easter, little one.
|Easter bells, Batman smells.
Robin laid an egg.
|I kinda thought he’d taste like
malted milk balls or something.
*Ok, not their fault. The Lenten Season spans six weeks, this is true. However, Sundays remain a day of celebration, not deprivation, and so are excluded. So, there’s your forty days.